


Eommas Need To Have Time Off (But Everyone Else Would Prefer If They Didn't)

by VixxN (KobutoriRisu)



Series: Eommas Need Downtime [2]
Category: EXO (Band), GOT7, VIXX, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Babies, Bathroom bunkers, Bats, Crack, Cuddly Tentacle Gods, Eomma coping strategies are dubious at best, Except SeokJin but he's the catalyst so he isn't exactly blameless either, Gen, Human Sacrifice, Inventing words, M/M, Sehun is a creeper, Sheet ropes, Shenanigans, Text. So much text. All the text., Texting, There doesn't even need to be a full moon for this kind of madness I'm sure, Unnecessary manhandling, canoodling, doors, naked dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-23 20:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10726725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KobutoriRisu/pseuds/VixxN
Summary: Things are already crazy and it only gets worse when the eommas stop giving a shit. Bangtan are involved in this mess. It is unknown if Got7 are wearing pants.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story started as a ridiculous late night messaging conversation between me, and Ji_min_ie_pabo about what we thought our favourite KPop boys would be doing one evening. Apparently if they were on crack. Anyway. I will, eventually, account for everybody in the four groups. Some implied ships.

**Jaehwan**

I think Jongdae is hitting on your wife.

 

**Namjoon**

What?

 

**Jaehwan**

Jongdae. Is hitting on your wife.

 

**Namjoon**

From Exo?

 

**Jaehwan**

How many Jongdaes do you know?

 

**Namjoon**

Whatever, why do you think Jongdae is hitting on Jin?

 

**Jaehwan**

He keeps SMILING at him.

 

**Namjoon**

People are allowed to smile at people?

 

**Jaehwan**

No, not smiling. SMILING.

 

**Namjoon**

Goddamnit, I'll BRT.


	2. Chapter 2

**Namjoon**

Do you mind very much if I return one of your kids to you in slightly broken condition?

 

**Junmyeon**

???

 

**Namjoon**

He's hitting on my wife.

 

**Junmyeon**

GODDAMNIT.

I made it very clear to all of them that that is an activity that is detrimental to their well being.

Which kid?

 

**Namjoon**

Do you not know which one went out and would think it's a good idea to hit on my wife?

You might want to keep tabs on that sort of thing.

 

**Junmyeon**

Okay you can stop with the judging already.

1\. I'm a single mom 2. I have a lot of kids. 3. I have no idea where most of my kids are right now. 4. Your wife is super pretty.

 

**Namjoon**

Ok. You have made some valid points. However, I still think you need to find some coping mechanism to help with that lot.

 

**Junmyeon**

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/157764865@N05/36362019711/in/dateposted-public/)

 

**Namjoon**

I didn't really mean that kind of coping mechanism, however your point is made.

It's Jongdae.

 

**Junmyeon**

GODDAMNIT. He's my favourite.


	3. Chapter 3

  **Junmyeon**

YOUR CHILDREN ARE UNCONTROLLABLE

 

**Kris**

 XOXO

 

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/157764865@N05/35690569923/in/dateposted-public/)

[

 

 

**Junmyeon**

I hate you.

 

 

](https://www.flickr.com/photos/157764865@N05/35690569923/in/dateposted-public/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Jongdae**

Namjoon is hauling me around like luggage. I feel it is your motherly duty to protect me from his unnecessary manhandling. 

 

**Junmyeon**

I find his unnecessary manhandling perfectly acceptable. You'll be getting more unnecessary manhandling when you get back here.

 

**Jongdae**

That sounds exciting. Do you promise?

 

**Junmyeon**

…

You know you're not normal, right?


	5. Chapter 5

**Hakyeon**

Are you still out with Jin?

 

**Jaehwan**

No

 

**Hakyeon**

Are you on your way home?

 

**Jaehwan**

No

 

**Hakyeon**

Is there a reason why not?

 

**Jaehwan**

Important things being done here.

Shenanigans are afoot!

 

**Hakyeon**

 Did you just use the word 'shenanigans'

 

**Jaehwan**

And afoot!

 

**Hakyeon**

Come home, Jaehwan. I'm scared for the city.

 

**Jaehwan**

I would.

but I don't want to.


	6. Chapter 6

 

**Hakyeon**

You know how Jaehwan was meeting with Jin tonight?

 

**Wonshik**

What's he done now?

 

**Hakyeon**

And that they were meeting not that far from you

 

**Wonshik**

You didn't answer my question

 

**Hakyeon**

I can't answer that question

 

**Wonshik**

That frightens me more than anything else you could have said.

Is he still with Jin?

 

**Hakyeon**

No.

 

**Wonshik**

Nope, that is the most frightening thing you could have said.

Jaehwan shouldn't be left unattended when on a sugar high.

 

**Hakyeon**

Which is why you really need to find him.

 

**Wonshik**

Where is he?

 

**Hakyeon**

If I knew that he wouldn't need finding.

 

**Wonshik**

Did he gives you any hints where he was going?

 

**Hakyeon**

All he said was 'Shenanigans are afoot!'

 

**Wonshik**

Do we have access to bail money?

 

**Hakyeon**

Please find him before it comes to that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Junmyeon**

I am not coping. I think at least some of my children are Pokemon.

At the very least Jongdae has evolved. He is testing the patience of leaders of OTHER groups now.

Also Chanyeol is hanging upside down in the hallway announcing that he is a bat. He is apparently both offensive, and defensive. I have no idea what he is talking about. I'm just guessing it's a Pokemon thing really.

Baekhyun is attempting to make Jongin over in his image. Minseok has already been converted to the dark side. There is a lot of eye liner involved. He seems quite happy with the situation. Jongin however is running around screaming trying to avoid the same fate and trying not to get snatched up when he runs past Chanyeol.

The other issue is that I have no idea where Sehun, Yixing or Kyungsoo are, and if I should be worried.

This is me not coping. I don't know how to cope. Why do my children cause me so much consternation? I am consterned. Is consterned a word?

Are you there?

 

 

**Hakyeon**

 Oh hi. Yes. Sorry. I've lost Jaehwan and he's been eating sundaes. The plural s is not an accident. Sugar and Jaehwan is a thing of concern. Unchaperoned Jaehwan and sugar is a Thing of Concern. I am also consterned. If it isn't a real word, then you just invented it. You might be a genius.

What do you normally do when you aren't coping?

 

 

**Junmyeon**

Start drinking and stop giving a shit.

 

**Hakyeon**

I am reconsidering calling you a genius, however that clearly has its benefits as a coping mechanism.

 

**Junmyeon**

You have a point.

You know I have this feeling I have forgotten something.

I don't know that I care enough.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Jin**

Why did you haul Jongdae away? We were having fun.

 

**Namjoon**

I really don't know that you should be associating with Jongdae. When I dropped him back to Junmyeon he just smiled that curly little smile of his at him and batted his eyelashes. I felt weird. I think he might be the devil.

 

**Jin**

He's cute.

 

**Namjoon**

Junmyeon was drinking straight from a bottle of red. I don't think that 'cute' is the correct word to apply to Jongdae.

 

**Jin**

Okay then, adorable.

 

**Namjoon**

Are you trying to make me angry?

 

**Jin**

Awww, you know you're my favourite. Hurry up and get home. I'm baking cookies. We can watch a movie.

 

**Namjoon**

You know you're my favourite too.

 

**Jin**

Is it the cookies?

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Wonshik**

Where are you?

 

**Jaehwan**

Don't really know.

 

**Wonshik**

What are you doing?

 

**Jaehwan**

Shenanigans!

 

**Wonshik**

Can you find a street sign?

 

**Jaehwan**

Of course I can, I'm not an idiot.

 

**Wonshik**

Well?

 

**Jaehwan**

I found one. There's another one. They're everywhere. It's almost like I'm in a city and there are street signs everywhere.

 

**Wonshik**

Okay, can you cut the sass and tell me what one says?

 

**Jaehwan**

I could tell you what a lot of them say, but I'm not going to. My spidey senses are tingling.

 

**Wonshik**

You are not Spiderman. You don't have spidey senses.

 

**Jaehwan**

Something is definitely tingling.

 

**Wonshik**

Just tell me where you are. If you do, I'll take you to a playground. We can play on the swings for a bit.

 

**Jaehwan**

Ooh. Swings. Great idea.

 

**Wonshik**

Jaehwan, where are you?

 

**Wonshik**

Jaehwan?

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Jungkook**

You see the weirdest things sometimes. I swear I just saw Jaehwan running down the street yelling something about swings.

 

**Yugyeom**

Totally seems like something Jaehwan would do. That reminds me though. What did the swing dancer bring to the party?

 

 **Jungkook**  

I fear your response.

 

**Yugyeom**

DIPS!

I got another!

 

**Jungkook**

No

 

**Yugyeom**

What footwork does a swing dancer do after drinking a few glasses of wine?

 

**Jungkook**

I beg you to not tell me.

 

**Yugyeom**

The tipple step.

 

**Jungkook**

Remind me why I hang out with you?

 

**Yugyeom**

Obviously because I'm hilarious. Also you're not the maknae when I'm around.

 

**Jungkook**

Right. Yes. Good.

 

**Yugyeom**

Plus I'm adorable.

 

**Jungkook**

You're six hundred feet tall.

 

**Yugyeom**

Six hundred feet of indomitable ADORABLE.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Jongin**

I'm hiding in the bathroom again.

 

**Hyuk**

Me too!

 

**Jongin**

We have to stop meeting like this.

 

**Hyuk**

But bathrooms have locks. And we live in crazy houses.

 

**Jongin**

OMG it's true. Mom has totally given up this evening. I'm not even sure exactly what is going on, but he took Jongdae, zip ties and alcohol into his room and told us to not do anything that will cause the police, fire department or an ambulance to turn up, and other than that, he doesn't care. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were ALREADY trying to do things to me. I holing up in my bunker.

 

**Hyuk**

Huh. Mom has also turned to the drink for the evening. He's snuggly when he's sober. I dread what he'll get like when he doesn't have any inhibitions. I abandoned Woon to him. I'd feel bad about it, except I don't.

Shit.

Hongbin is still out there.

 

**Jongin**

YOU ABANDONED YOUR BROTHER!

 

**Hyuk**

I'm a bad person.

I wonder how long I'm going to have to stay in here?

I should have brought snacks.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Jungkook**

Okay so now Wonshik is running down the street in the direction Jaehwan was going. I might need popcorn.

 

**Jungkook**

Yugyeom? Did I lose you?

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Jungkook**

I just saw your boyfriend being chased down the street by his other boyfriend.

 

**Jin**

Jaehwan?

 

**Jungkook**

How many boyfriends do you have? You have a husband AND more than one boyfriend? What kind of example are you trying to set for your children? I'm permanently scarred. I see counselling in my future. And rebelling. I may get my nose pierced. Or a tattoo. I'd look great with a tattoo.

 

**Jin**

Shut up. I'll see if Wonshik needs help. Thanks.

You know you could have just come out of your room to tell me that.

 

**Jungkook**

No thanks. I don't believe in the presumption of pants once you two start canoodling.

 

**Jin**

It was only that one time!

 

**Jungkook**

One time is one time too many. I've learned my lesson. Doors. This is why we have doors. And I'm on this side of mine. Permanent scarring. Counselling.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Namjoon**

It was ONE TIME!

 

**Jungkook**

I don't care. Go back to canoodling.

 

**Namjoon**

I can't. Jin is calling Wonshik.

 

**Jungkook**

I wait with bated breath for the next update.

 

**Namjoon**

You're a little shit, you know?

 

**Jungkook**

You can't talk to me like that. YOU'RE NOT MY REAL FATHER!

 

**Namjoon**

I'll smack you like a real father

 

**Jungkook**

You'll have to find me first.

 

**Namjoon**

GODDAMIT KOOKIE, STOP WATCHING STUPID AMERICAN TEENAGE MOVIES. We can't afford to keep replacing the sheets you tear up to escape out the window.

 

**Jungkook**

The number you have dialled appears to be out of service. Please check the number and try again.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Jungkook**

Yuuuugyeeooommmm

 

**Jungkook**

Yugyeom!

 

**Yugyeom**

I'm here. Sorry, BamBam needed my help. But I left after Jackson pulled him into bed.

 

**Jungkook**

Taetae snuggles with everyone. That's not the worst thing that could happen.

 

**Yugyeom**

I'm pretty sure 'snuggling' isn't really the word to fully cover everything going on. I can say with complete authority that at the very least BamBam is naked.

 

**Jungkook**

I fear my sanity that I am asking this. What exactly were you helping BamBam with?

 

**Yugyeom**

We were dancing.

 

**Jungkook**

Naked?

 

**Yugyeom**

Of course naked.

 

**Jungkook**

... why were you dancing naked?

 

**Yugyeom**

Because Jackson was trying to sleep.

 

**Jungkook**

Nope. That's not making sense.

 

**Yugyeom**

There was naked dancing. What needs to make sense? Anyway. Now there is naked something. IDK. Because I left.

 

**Jungkook**

Where was Jinyoung for the naked dancing? Doesn't he normally put a stop to this kinda of shit?

 

**Yugyeom**

He left.

 

**Jungkook**

He left?

 

**Yugyeom**

Yep. Walked in, went NOPE! and walked out again. Jackson was all JINYOUNGIE SAVE ME! But there was just another NOPE! from the corridor and the front door shutting.

I have no idea where he went.

 

**Jungkook**

You know we all look to you guys to be the functional family.

 

**Yugyeom**

Oh. I assure you I'm fully functional.

 

**Jungkook**

... you have 100% positively definitely been spending too much time with BamBam. I need to provide a better influence on your young and tender mind.

 

**Yugyeom**

See? This is why you hang out with me. To make me a better person. You are the king of benevolent.

 

**Jungkook**

Hush. Dance break.

 

**Yugyeom**

AW YEAH! MESSAGE JONGIN!

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Jungkook**

Dance break?

 

**Jongin**

OH THANK GOD. I LOVE YOU FOREVER LITTLE BUNNY.

 

**Jungkook**

I'm not even going to ask. I learned my lesson with Yugyeom

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Jongin**

Dance break with Kookie and Yugyeom?

 

~~**Hyuk** ~~

Sorry, this is Hongbin. Hyuk has been sacrificed to the squiffy snuggly tentacle god.

 

**Jongin**

YOU'RE ALIVE! IT'S A MIRACLE! Tell Hyuk I shall weep for him at his funeral.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Mark**

Jinyoung? Did you go out?

 

**Jinyoung**

Yes

 

**Mark**

Why?

 

**Jinyoung**

Nope.

 

**Mark**

Nope isn't an answer to why.

 

**Jinyoung**

Tonight it is.

 

**Mark**

Come back.

 

**Jinyoung**

Is there still naked dancing?

 

**Mark**

No? I don't think so. I haven't seen anyone in a while. Although, I'm just in my room. All by myself. With nothing but the internet.

There could be naked dancing.

 

**Jinyoung**

I am kinda cold.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Minseok**

Okay I can't find you anywhere in the dorms. I thought you were sleeping. Where are you?

 

**Yixing**

About 2 blocks away from where I found the baby.

 

**Minseok**

Wait, what?

 

**Yixing**

Maybe 3? I'm not sure. I wasn't counting? What's wrong with you, I think the baby is much more important than how many blocks I've walked.

 

**Minseok**

No, why do you have a baby?

 

**Yixing**

Because she was by herself? I don't think it is really appropriate to leave a baby by herself in the street. What kind of monster are you?

 

**Minseok**

I'm not a monster. Why was she in the street?

 

**Yixing**

I don't know? I don't speak baby. Anyway I'm trying to find a playground. That's where babies belong.

 

**Minseok**

I'm so confused. Where are her parents?

 

**Yixing**

I don't know? Maybe at a playground?

 

**Minseok**

You should probably take the baby to a police station.

 

**Yixing**

Kay.

But I found a playground.

And Jaehwan! I don't think he's the dad though.

 

**Minseok**

Yixing.

 

**Minseok**

Yixing.

 

**Minseok**

Yixing.

 

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Yoongi**

Doing anything?

 

**Chanyeol**

I am a bat?

 

**Yoongi**

You're going to have to be more forthcoming than that

 

**Chanyeol**

Nothing that can't wait until tomorrow

 

**Yoongi**

Come over. Tae, Jimin, Hoseok and I are going to read NamJin fanfictions and act out the roles. We need someone tall and dimpled to play the part of Moni

 

**Chanyeol**

That sounds entirely like my kind of thing.

 

**Yoongi**

There's a sheet rope hanging out of one of the windows. Use that.

 

**Chanyeol**

That also sounds entirely like my thing.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Wonshik**

Where's mom

 

**Hongbin**

In bed.

 

**Wonshik**

Right. Where's Woon?

 

**Hongbin**

In bed.

 

**Wonshik**

… goddamnit why are they both in their beds at this hour already? They are so old sometimes.

 

**Hongbin**

Bed.

 

**Wonshik**

What?

 

**Hongbin**

Bed. Singular. Not beds

 

**Wonshik**

I'm afraid to ask.

 

**Hongbin**

It has to do with Junmyeon and coping techniques. Also Hakyeon-hyung is unsurprisingly a very snuggly drunk.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Kyungsoo**

Sehun. Are you there? No one is answering my texts.

 

**Sehun**

Hello, yes?

 

**Kyungsoo**

Did I get forgotten at the airport again?

 

**Sehun**

Probably.

 

**Kyungsoo**

Why isn't mom answering me?

 

**Sehun**

Mom is currently in the process of punishing Jongdae.

They both appear to be enjoying it.

 

**Kyungsoo**

What did Jongdae do this time? Actually. No. Never mind. Do not explain anything to me. I don't want to know how you know any of that

 

**Sehun**

That's probably for the best.

But can I just say

Jongdae is wearing those pants he tore at the Mamas.

Mom is enjoying the access those pants afford.

 

**Kyungsoo**

Goddamit Sehun. Get out of that room.

 

**Sehun**

I'm not in the room

 

**Kyungsoo**

THE AIR VENTS COUNT AS THE ROOM. Also STOP TELLING ME THIS.

 

**Sehun**

When did you stop being any fun?

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Chanyeol**

I am a bat

 

**Minseok**

Yes, we have established that.

 

**Chanyeol**

I am both offensive, and defensive.

 

**Minseok**

Yep, also got that.

 

**Chanyeol**

I am currently at Bangtan's.

 

**Minseok**

That I was not expecting.

 

**Chanyeol**

I thought it was only right to let you know, since you have been assigned the role of substitute parent

 

**Minseok**

I am not enjoying this job. You shouldn't be out this late.

 

**Chanyeol**

Mom's instructions were no ambulance, fire, or police at the dorms. I am abiding by his rules.

 

**Minseok**

What are you doing at Bangtan's?

 

**Chanyeol**

Naruto running. I'm about to climb in the window

 

**Minseok**

What? How? They're up high.

 

**Chanyeol**

There's a sheet rope. It's very convenient.

 

**Minseok**

Why is there a sheet rope? Couldn't they just let you in the door?

Wait, are they actually expecting you or are you breaking in?

 

**Chanyeol**

Offensive bat

 

**Minseok**

I'm suspicious that that is a no. Please don't anger Namjoon.

Chanyeol?

 

**Chanyeol**

Tae says hi

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Hongbin**

Help me! Help me. Oh, god, help me.

 

**Wonshik**

Dramatic much?

 

**Hongbin**

Now Hyuk has been drinking. And he keeps poking my face demanding dimples.

 

**Wonshik**

Where did Hyukie get alcohol from? I've got bigger problems than your dimples. I heard Jaehwan's voice yelling something about swings, but I can't find him. I heard sirens though. I really don't want these two things to be connected.

 

**Hongbin**

When Hakyeon started drinking Hyuk locked himself in the bathroom and left me out here. So when he came out for snacks I sacrificed him to the great squiffy god of tentacle-like cuddles. It's his own fault.

And when Woon put Hakyeon to bed, he just started drinking the alcohol.

And he is POKING MY FACE.

 

**Wonshik**

You brought this on yourself. Even if he did abandon you, you should look after your brother, not sacrifice him to gods. Even cuddly ones.

Also I just found Jaehwan.

And Jaehwan found Yixing.

And Yixing has a baby.

 

**Hongbin**

Why does Yixing have a baby.

 

**Wonshik**

I have no idea. I'm going to find out.

Baby is pretty cute. So is Yixing.

I think Jaehwan just fell in love a bit.

Is it wrong to be jealous of a baby?

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Namjoon**

Jin suggested I talk to you since Junmyeon is either drunk or otherwise occupied, because I can't get a hold of him.

 

**Kyungsoo**

I think Junmyeon's got a hold of something. He won't be available for conversation until morning.

Although does it matter that I'm not at the house?

 

**Namjoon**

No.

I wish to register a complaint with management. Just pass it on to Junmyeon.

 

**Kyungsoo**

What did they do now?

 

**Namjoon**

Chanyeol is currently in my house. Pretending to be me.

 

**Kyungsoo**

I am not sure what kind of response I can offer to that, although apologies do come to mind.

Wait, he's not hitting on Jin is he? Junmyeon warned us that would be detrimental to our well being.

 

**Namjoon**

No. He's playing the role of me in live action portrayals of NamJin fanfictions. Hoseok, because he is “the pretty one”, is playing Jin, so if anyone is in danger from Chanyeol, it would be him.

 

**Kyungsoo**

Okay, so what's the problem then?

 

**Namjoon**

In order to “get into character” Chanyeol has broken a bunch of shit.

 

**Kyungsoo**

Ah.

 

**Namjoon**

He is also currently wearing one of the few unshredded sheets we possess, as a cape, declaring that he is the God of Destruction.

I feel my character is being maligned.

 

**Kyungsoo**

You do break a lot of shit though. I am not certain that you're really being maligned.

 

**Namjoon**

I would like to speak to your superior

 

**Kyungsoo**

The only person I can get a hold of at the moment is Sehun, and he is definitely my inferior.

Also he has issues.

You could try Minseok.

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Wonshik**

Since I've been babysitting one of my brothers, a magical unicorn, and an actual baby this evening, I feel I have been remiss in not pointing out I saw Jungkook roaming the streets earlier.

 

**Namjoon**

Your evening sounds pretty odd, but okay.

And thanks, it's all good. He made it back home and we're all accounted for.

With a spare.

 

**Wonshik**

You have a spare? Wait, I haven't lost another one have I?

 

**Namjoon**

No, Exo have. The puppies say they are keeping Chanyeol.

I really hope he's house trained.

 

**Wonshik**

I'd get out the pee pads if I were you.

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Namjoon**

Are you being the parent tonight?

 

**Minseok**

Apparently. It's not as much fun as... who am I kidding. It's not fun. I don't know how Junmyeon does it.

 

**Namjoon**

Doesn't get much choice.

 

**Minseok**

I guess you'd know. Anyway, what's up?

 

**Namjoon**

Just wanted to let you know I have one of yours. He wants to stay the night.

 

**Minseok**

Okay thanks. The rest of them are here. It feels like a miracle no one got arrested. Yixing even handed the baby over to the police.

 

**Namjoon**

Do I want to know?

 

**Minseok**

Probably not, but I definitely think that people with small mobile creatures should ensure their doors are shut lest the small mobile creatures go on a magical unicorn ride. Thanks for looking after Chanyeol.

 

**Namjoon**

The importance of doors seems to be a trend. And technically I'm not looking after Chanyeol. He got inducted into the puppy pile.

 

**Minseok**

He'll fit right in.

 

**Namjoon**

He looks like a Great Dane in a pile of Shi Tzus, but other than that, yeah he does.

I'll send him home in the morning. With the bill.

 

**Minseok**

Wait, what?

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Namjoon**

Kookie seems to think you're the only one reliably wearing pants at this present moment. Which makes you the most qualified one to talk to.

 

**Yugyeom**

I'm not wearing pants, but don't let that stop you.

 

**Namjoon**

This going to be totally dad of me, but there have been a lot of people roaming the streets, getting drunk, and going missing tonight.

 

**Yugyeom**

Sounds exciting

 

**Namjoon**

I prefer things less exciting. Anyway, are all of yours there now? I'm not going to be able to sleep without checking.

 

**Yugyeom**

I don't really know. I actually haven't seen Jaebum, Youngjae or Mark all evening. Jinyoung ran away before, but since he and Mark are magnetised I'm sure he didn't get far. When I last saw Jackson and Bam one of them was naked so I doubt they've gone anywhere. I am operating under the assumption that they are all here. I also think Kookie is correct to doubt pants. Which is why I am not opening doors to check my assumption.

 

**Namjoon**

Kookie has a thing about doors.

He says to say we have them for a reason.

 

**Yugyeom**

Kookie might be the wisest of us all.

 

**Namjoon**

He also says to remind you that you are supposed to be the functional ones, and also that he still doesn't want to know about your dick.

 

**Yugyeom**

He doesn't know what he's missing

 

**Namjoon**

I am ending this conversation. Call someone if there's any one missing in the morning. And I'd appreciate it if you'd get Jaebum to message me, if he's not dead.

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Jaebum**

Morning Namjoon. I am definitely not dead. I just slept for like 10 hours, but I'm not dead. I am confused though. Those messages you sent last night are very odd to say the least. And Yugyeom keeps grinning. And Jinyoung just said NOPE! and went back into his room when I asked him. What did I miss?

 

**Namjoon**

The more I discover about last night, the more I think we were seconds away from nuclear winter, and you were sleeping.

Didn't you hear my messages coming through on your phone?

 

**Jaebum**

No? I might not have been one, but I sleep like the dead. Youngjae is the best cuddle toy ever.

 

**Namjoon**

I kinda hate you right now.

 

 

I think I might need to start going to therapy.

 

**** ~ * ~ ****

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always welcome, even if it's just your favourite stupid line! :)
> 
> Someone left a comment a couple of days ago and I got inspired and wrote another story. You have the power to inspire a writer to greatness! Or something.


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